Let’s Talk About Domestic Violence
Domestic and intimate partner violence (DIPV) can be a difficult subject to talk about, so often people don’t. Not talking about DIPV can keep us from being aware of the issue and can allow harmful beliefs and stereotypes to continue to exist. On this page we provide answers to some frequently asked questions about DIPV, as well as correct some common myths. We hope you’ll use this information not only to help educate yourself about DIPV, but also to have conversations about it with others.
Frequently Asked Questions
Often, DIPV is assumed to be physical or sexual violence, meaning other types may be less well known and harder to identify. But even physical and sexual violence may not stand out as DIPV, if for example it occurs as an isolated incident, it seems to happen only occasionally, or it seems to only happen under certain circumstances (like when your partner has been drinking).
The role of power and control in abusive relationships is not always widely known. Also, the violence may not be constant. Periods of calm and reconciliation, as well as apologies, grand gestures, and promises to change, could create uncertainty about or mask what is truly happening.
Some other reasons could be that an individual has been made to believe the violence is their fault or is justified; there might be disbelief that it could happen to oneself; or there could be a belief that these types of behaviour happen in all relationships and are normal.
Staying does not mean the situation is not that bad or that a victim likes being abused. There are many reasons someone may choose not to leave.
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At one point, things were good. Sometimes they still are good. There are feelings of love and care for their partner. Someone may wish for the abuse to end but want the relationship to continue. They may stay out of hoping it will stop or believing that if they change their behaviour, it will. They may think they need to try harder to make the relationship work. They may feel responsible for the abuse or have heard it is their fault.
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Being abused lowers a person's self-esteem. They may not believe that they deserve any better, or that anyone else would love and care for them. They may not feel like they could make it on their own and would need to return. They may be isolated from friends and family and not have someone to help them start over.
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They may be financially dependent on their partner. They may not have the savings to move out and start over, or an income to continue to support them. They may share assets with their partner, like a house or a business, that they do not want to give up.
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They may have children with their partner. They may worry about how them leaving could negatively affect their children, or fear losing their children in the legal process of determining custody.
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They may fear how their partner will react if they leave or take any action against them. They may have been threatened that things will get worse, or people will be harmed if they leave.
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They may worry about being believed or how other people in their life will react if they are public about the abuse. They may worry about people’s changed views of them, negative judgement, or being isolated. This can be especially true in small communities.
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They may not be aware that there are support services available to help with DIPV in New Brunswick or how to contact them. They may be fearful to ask for help, worried about privacy, think their situation is not that bad, or have had a negative past experience when reaching out for help.
Transition houses provide temporary (typically up to 30 days), emergency housing for women and their children that are seeking shelter from DIPV. A stay at a transition house is a time for individuals to start to heal from their experiences and determine their next steps in a safe environment. Staff provide a range of supports and programming to residents. There are currently two Indigenous transition houses in NB. To access a transition house, you can call their 24/7 crisis line to see if they have a bed(s) available.
Second stage housing is a short term (typically between one and two years), supportive housing program for women and their children that have left a situation of DIPV and require affordable housing. The program involves regular meetings with staff for goal setting and support, and often support group meetings with other residents. Second stage housing provides a period of time for further healing and growth. To access a second stage, you can call their phone line to see if they have a unit available and submit an application, if applicable. Please note, second stages do not operate 24/7 crisis lines.
Domestic violence outreach workers provide support to people who have experienced DIPV that do not need or want to stay at a transition house or second stage. This is often done through scheduled meetings at their office or off-site, or other means of communication such as phone or video calls. There is no limit to the amount of time that a person can use outreach services. There are currently four outreach workers in NB providing services specifically to Indigenous folks. To access outreach services, you can call their phone line to make an initial appointment. Please note, outreach workers do not operate 24/7 crisis lines.
More services in the province include community-based sexual violence services, sexual assault crisis centres, child and youth advocacy centres, and violence prevention centres.
Any of these types of support services can exist on their own, whereas in some cases, an organization will offer multiple types of support services. Depending on your need, they may refer you to other services. As one example, a transition house or second stage may refer you to outreach services if you are not seeking shelter or housing.
Yes. Domestic violence outreach workers provide support to those who may not need or want to stay at a transition house. Transition houses and second stage housing may also provide support and programs to those who are not staying with them.
Yes. Transition houses, second stage housing, and domestic violence outreach workers are able to provide support for all types of DIPV. For more information on the different types of abuse, please visit our “What is Domestic Violence?” page.
Yes. Transition houses, second stage housing, and domestic violence outreach workers are able to provide support whether the violence took place days, weeks, months, or years ago.
Because of the communal living design of transition houses, they are not usually able to take in pets. Safe For Pets Too is a province-wide program that shelters the pets of individuals seeking shelter from DIPV. Depending on your region, your local SPCA may also be able to provide some support- for example, PAW in Moncton has the Pet Safe Keeping program. Whereas second stage housing has separate units for residents, they may be able to accept pets. Please contact second stage housing to ask if your type of pet is allowed onsite.
Contact information for the support services that are members of our association is listed on our “Our Shelters” page. For a list of support services in francophone and northern parts of the province, please visit the Réseau des services pour victimes de violence’s website. Contact information for support services is also listed on government webpages about DIPV, as well as on support services’ own websites.
Myths
While certain circumstances can increase the likelihood of DIPV happening, these things are not the root cause of DIPV. There are many people who use substances, have financial challenges, or are under stress who do not resort to violence; there are also people who are not under these circumstances that do use violence. Many people struggle with their mental health at some point, and do not become violent because of it. Abuse is a tactic to gain power and control.
Abuse is never justified or deserved. It is never the victim’s fault. People who abuse others are fully responsible for their own behaviour. Acting violently towards another person is a choice.
It is very possible that a person you may not expect to act abusively in fact does. People who abuse others may come across as very likeable and charming in other relationships, like with coworkers or friends. They may limit their violent behaviour to the home or justify harming their partner. They may not feel the need to control other people in the same way, so they do not act violently towards them.
Acting violently towards another person is a choice. Change is possible. However, it is not easy and not something one person can force on another. The choice to stop using abusive behaviour involves acknowledging that it is wrong, accepting responsibility for it, and wanting to change. For those who would like support, counselling and programs can help.
Children who witness one parent acting violently towards the other are known to be negatively affected. They are also more likely to experience abuse themselves. The effects can include problems with physical and mental health, as well as with social behaviours. Witnessing or experiencing DIPV puts children at a higher risk of being in an abusive relationship as adults. If you become aware of a situation, please contact Child Protection.
DIPV is wrong and it is against the law. By believing this myth, DIPV can continue to happen. While you should approach the subject carefully with someone you think might be experiencing DIPV and respect it if they do not wish to talk about it, it is important to reach out to offer help. If the person is under the age of 19, you must inform Child Protection.
It is possible that an individual may return to an abusive relationship after leaving. In fact, it may take several attempts to leave the relationship for good. It is important to continue to support and offer help to individuals if they choose to return. Also, even after leaving the relationship, an individual may still experience DIPV as the other person continues to try to control them.
According to Statistics Canada, rates of police-reported intimate partner violence (IPV) in NB in 2022 were higher than the national average and some of the highest among the provinces, behind Saskatchewan and Manitoba. The same is true for rates of police-reported family violence. Of all the provinces, NB saw the largest increase in IPV from 2009 to 2021 at 39% and the second highest increase in family violence at 22%.